Why "be better than your past self" is terrible advice
I'm really done with this advice.
We live in a world that always wants more from us. Whether it’s crushing it online, nailing it with a side hustle, getting that promotion, or moving to a bigger house – we’re constantly driven to achieve more.
The promise is that by doing more and being better than yesterday, we’ll eventually reach happiness.
The challenge is: almost every person who’s reached pinnacle versions of success will tell you that achievements and being continually better don’t necessarily correlate with satisfaction or fulfillment.
We’re terrible judges of the past
It’s easy to look backward with rose-tinted glasses. That’s because we’re not living the past right now. We know that everything we were worried about then worked out fine. We have foresight and that clouds our opinion of the past.
The truth is: the past brought challenges, just as the present does.
Trying to be constantly better than our past selves is highly problematic. If we view that past as better than it really was, we’ll overlook improvements that have already been made.
I’ve often looked back to the past at my more free-spirited self and longed for that person again. But that overlooks how much peace, gratitude, and calm I’ve been able to cultivate in the present, for example.
When we look back, we’ll often assume that we’ve plateaued or regressed when that’s possibly not the case.
Hustle culture has us on a treadmill
The idea that we need to be constantly improving has us all working towards an unknown goal.
There’s an idea in our culture that if we just keep doing and keep busy, we’ll eventually reach the place we want to.
The belief is, if I just achieve this, then I’ll be satisfied.
Yet, most of the peaceful and content among us, advise precisely the opposite.
It’s the sitting in calm, embracing gentler living, and enjoying the moment that all seem to matter much more than constantly working towards improvements.
Why? The need to be better than yesterday implies that fundamentally who you are isn’t enough. And that idea can creep into almost everything you do. When will you ever be satisfied? The answer is never, because that subconscious belief will always be present in you.
Incremental improvements can be helpful
That’s not to say that all improvement, growth, and betterment is bad.
Incremental improvements can be helpful. Gradually working towards goals can be very fulfilling. And making positive life changes can bring about joy.
Working on your health, for example, can lead to a much more pleasant existence. Learning to regulate your emotions can help you deal better with conflicts. Starting a meditation routine could boost your resilience. And getting that promotion could ease the pressure on your finances.
It’s not that we need to remove all goals or avoid the idea of improvement altogether. Instead, it’s necessary to be present, embrace gratitude, and remind ourselves that we are enough as we are.
Goals and improvements made with this foundation will inherently be more fulfilling. And, ultimately, that’s the aim for all of us.
Hi 👋, I’m Chloe.
I write here and on Medium about books, philosophy, meditation, and mindfulness.
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