I think we have everything wrong about life

Why ‘success’ is backwards. What I’m learning about slowing down.

Yayan Sopian

There’s an intersection near my home that I walk through first thing every morning. And on the Gold Coast, at 5:30, there are already plenty of cars on the road — we’re a town of early risers and everyone likes to get going. Whether that’s heading off for a sunrise surf, a run, a nature hike, or off to work.

As the cars sped through the intersection on a recent morning and I waited to cross, I had the thought that the earth was under so much pressure.

There are 8 billion people who all have unique desires to suit their individual needs. And at this intersection, there were just a few of those people, wanting to get where they were going — quickly.

With every person focused on their own version of success, worried about potential failure, and hoping for a happy future, there is so much that the earth is asked to provide.

Society’s story of success is flawed

Society has well-defined stories about success. It’s about the new car, the big house, the happy family, and the thin body. Ideally, riches and some kind of achievement are important too. Only then could one think of themselves as being ‘successful’.

These are ideas that consciously, or unconsciously we pick up through our lives. It’s nearly impossible not to be impacted by glossy images of people living ‘perfect’ lives; lives that often barely reflect our own.

The rise of social media has only exaggerated this phenomenon.

But achieving society’s success parameters in one’s own life is never going to happen — not consistently anyway.

Life is always changing.

Things happen.

Whatever it is you had will eventually fade.

We’re not immortal after all, and nor are our possessions.

Even though I know these concepts intellectually, I still find myself worried. I notice that I’m constantly concerned about making a bigger contribution during my time on this planet. And I’ve started to see that it’s based on the wrong conclusion: that what I do isn’t enough.

I know I’m not alone in this. You may too feel this way. You may overlook many of the things you do that are important, feeling they are small when compared to what other people are doing.

Stopping to appreciate a bird flitting from branch to branch, being kind to animals, smiling at strangers, working an office job honestly and reliably, raising children as best you can – these are not small feats. Yet, for many, they feel simply “not enough”.

Changing perspectives: calmer living

I’m gradually becoming convinced that a slow, calm life is a kind of gift to the universe. (Emphasis on gradually).

Not taking more than you need and being appreciative of what you have, may be all you really need to do in life.

Perhaps it’s enough if we treat the earth and its inhabitants, gently.

If we are kind to everyone we meet.

If we spread goodness where we can — in seemingly small ways.

Perhaps it’s enough if we’re kind to ourselves. If we can laugh often, and smile where possible. And if we notice the inherent abundance around us — especially the so-called mundane like the sun rising, oxygen in the air, or nature around us.

If we can do this, perhaps that is all we need to live a successful life. And by doing so, we release the pressure of needing more to be happy – not just on ourselves — but in the wider consciousness too.

Ralph Waldo Emerson’s definition of success was along the same lines.

He wrote:

“To know one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.”

By that definition, have we not all succeeded?

Can we allow ourselves to relax, slow, down, lean into kindness, and live more peaceful lives?

I for one, hope so.

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Hi 👋, I’m Chloe.

I write here and on Medium about books, philosophy, meditation, and mindfulness.

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