Amor Fati: The Stoic Philosophy For Thriving In Hard Times
“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati…”
When hard times come the natural human reaction is to resist.
“Why me?” “Why now?” “Why this?” we say.
Naturally, hard times are frustrating — even excruciating. Perhaps, though, there’s another way.
The stoic philosophers had a unique approach to life’s challenges. Friedrich Nietzsche was a German philosopher. Among many things, he’s known for the phrase amor fati — which translates to “a love of one’s fate” or a deep acceptance of what happens in one’s life.
In Ecce Homo he wrote:
My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it… but love it.
Nietzsche wasn’t the only one to approach life in this way. Epictetus, who experienced disability and the life of a slave said:
“Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy.”
To not only accept what happens in life — especially the hard times — but to embrace them seems like a foreign concept.
The fix, solve, control mindset
In our ambitious world, there is a persistent idea that we ought to immediately fix, solve, and control for every outcome so as to never feel pain. The reality, though, is that a controlling and fixing mindset can eventually cause so much emotional suppression that it bubbles over.
We cannot suppress every emotion. Nor we can control for every outcome.
The idea that we must immediately solve every discomfort can be unhelpful, yet it’s an accepted idea in our society. It’s almost synonymous with self-sufficiency and having things ‘figured out’.
Going through therapy has taught me how problematic it is to not accept emotions. I’ve been taught how important it is to welcome everything with an openness to learn and listen.
How we can learn to accept
Learning to accept life is challenging at first. It requires a level of surrender.
Another way to think of this is to bring neutrality to situations.
Rather than trying to control every experience, we begin to accept things as they arise in life. We treat them neither as good nor bad, but as they are.
As the zen story goes: (I’m paraphrasing here)
There was a Zen farmer. Every day, the farmer used his horse to work his fields.
One day the horse ran away. The villagers came by to express their sorrow to the man. “This is such bad luck”, they said.
“Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?” replied the farmer.
A few weeks later the farmer was in his field, he looked up to see his horse running toward him. But the horse was not alone, it returned with a herd. Now the farmer had 10 horses to work his fields.
The villagers dropped by to congratulate the farmer claiming it was good luck.
“Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows? he replied.
A few weeks later, the farmer’s son came over to help his father work on the farm. While trying to tame one of the horses, the farmer’s son fell and broke his leg.
The villagers came by to commiserate claiming it was bad luck.
“Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?” he replied.
A month later, a regiment of the army came marching through town getting every able-bodied young man to join them. But the farmer’s son was still healing so the regiment did not force him to join.
“This is such good luck,” said the villagers.
“Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?” he replied.
Finding neutrality
The farmer in the story understood that life has twists and turns and it’s impossible to see what’s happening next. It’s impossible to know whether long-term something will be good or bad.
That’s why, although it’s okay to enjoy the positive things that happen to us, it’s important not to commiserate too long on the so-called negatives.
Instead, for our own sanity, we ought to practice amor fati, and lovingly accept what life brings us.
Eckhart Tolle understands this concept well. As he puts it,
“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”
“When you live in complete acceptance of what is, that is the end of all drama in your life.”
If we accept situations as if we have chosen them, we bring a calm, accepting energy. Then we’re more likely to see solutions to challenges and avoid adding to our problems.
It’s important to keep in mind that this is a gradual process. I won’t pretend that I’m able to practice amor fati completely, but I do find that the mere understanding of the concept is helpful.
Reminding myself in stressful situations to accept what’s happening to me, regardless of how challenging it is, brings a sense of calm that otherwise wouldn’t be there.
It’s opening a doorway to what might just be a significantly calmer life.