5 life-changing lessons from Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty
Turn your monkey mind into a monk mind
It’s hard to believe that Jay Shetty ever became a monk.
When he first heard about a monk speaking at his college he had no interest. In his words, “I preferred to hear from speakers who’d actually accomplished things in life.”
His friend convinced him to attend on the proviso that they’d go to a bar afterward.
Attending that talk, though, changed his life. The monk, Gauranga Das, was the happiest and calmest person Jay had ever met.
The experience led to a complete life transformation. During his college holidays, Jay went to India to live at Gaurnga Das’ ashram. Then, after graduating, he joined full-time living as a monk for three years.
In the book Think Like a Monk, Jay distills what he learned from that experience into digestible and actionable insights so that we might learn about peace, purpose, and service.
1. Fear can be your friend
We’ve been taught that fear is negative. Growing up we were teased if we were scared, for example. And over the years we’ve learned to dislike, avoid, and suppress the emotion.
Jay helps us learn that fear is just a warning flag – not something terrible.
“It’s what we do with the signal that matters,” he writes.
In the ashram, Jay is asked by his teacher to bring to mind a fearful experience, at first he’s convinced he has no fears. But by going deeper, he uncovers fears and anxieties buried down that are impacting how he thinks and acts.
It wasn’t fear that Jay learned to let go of as a monk - but the fear of fear.
If we view fear in another way, we can use it as a motivating factor, as valuable information, and, ultimately, as just another emotion.
To become more comfortable with fear, Jay learned that he must not move away from fear, but move toward it, acknowledge it, and accept it.
Key quote:
“If we learn to recognize what fear can teach us about ourselves and what we value, then we can use it as a tool to obtain greater meaning, purpose, and fulfillment in our lives”.
2. The need for detachment
One of the most important principles in spirituality is the idea of detachment – releasing the attachment we have to our lives and our stories.
Since this is a key teaching in the East, it’s no surprise that it makes Jay’s book.
When we consider thoughts, emotions, and our life story, we tend to think those things are us. Really, they’re experiences we’re currently having.
Jay suggests making one simple change to help detach from our emotions, instead of saying, “I am angry”, “I am afraid”, or “I am worried,” switch it to “I feel angry”. This change can provide a perspective by which we can view what’s happening, rather than being taken over by it.
If we cling to things that are temporary (and everything is ultimately temporary) we turn them into things that control us, things that make us afraid, and things that we are terrified to lose.
Key quote:
“A monk mind practices detachment. We realize that everything – from our houses to our families – is borrowed.”
3. No more negativity
Negativity is all around us. People complain. Things go wrong. Life can seem unfair at times. But to think like a monk, you must rewire your brain away from this negativity bias.
In the ashram, Shetty was taught not to gossip and not to focus on other’s shortcomings.
To help confront his negativity, Shetty was told not to complain, compare, or criticize for a week (and keep a tally of how many times he did). The idea was that as he became aware of these tendencies, he would slowly stop. The practice gradually worked over time.
Key quote:
“Remember, saying whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, is not freedom. Real freedom is not feeling the need to say these things.”
4. The critical need to calm the monkey mind
Presence and mindfulness are becoming increasingly popular for good reason. According to the book, humans have 70,000 thoughts a day. Psychologist and neuroscientist Ernst Poppel also found that human minds are only present for three seconds at a time.
That means we’re constantly in our heads. Replaying the past. Rehearsing the future. Drifting off into hypnosis all day long. Never really, fully where we are now.
While Jay puts forward many different ways to deal with this constant mind chatter, the most important may be: to stay present.
He suggests asking yourself:
“What is missing from this moment?”
When we truthfully answer that question, we recognize, more often than not, the answer is: nothing.
Key quote:
“Our thoughts are like clouds passing by. The self, like the sun, is always there. We are not our minds.”
5. The world’s most powerful drug
Every morning I walk in a nearby National Park and as I do, I practice gratitude. At a minimum, I do three “thank yous” to the sun, the park, and the ocean every day.
It puts my mind in an appreciative state and helps me to start the day right.
How can we be happier, calmer, and more appreciative of our lives? Jay believes one of the most powerful secrets is practicing gratitude.
In the ashram, Jay was taught to show gratitude for blessings both big and small. He also cites studies that show gratitude can have a range of benefits on mental health, relationships, and self-awareness.
Something Jay suggests doing first thing in the morning, rather than looking straight at your phone, is to thank your bed for a restful night.
It’s a simple practice and one I’ve enjoyed adopting.
Gratitude helps you to recognize the beautiful things that already exist in your life. It helps to focus your attention on where things are going well. And to spot everyday miracles – like the sun, without which we wouldn’t exist.
Key quote:
“When you’re present in gratitude, you can’t be anywhere else.”
Have you read Think Like A Monk? What did you learn?
Hi 👋, I’m Chloe.
I write here and on Medium about books, philosophy, meditation, and mindfulness.